Yamas for Parenting

The yamas are rules or guidelines and act as a beacon to show the way to lead a moral and ethical life. As a mother and a yoga instructor, I have found that the yamas as outlined in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras are universal and applicable to raising children.

Here is how one can be the best version of themselves as a yogi mom or dad - by using wisdom from the yoga sutras; that of unifying mind, body, and soul – all the positive energy - into the illumination of the light that we choose to bring into this world.

• Ahimsa (non-harming or non-violence)

Be kind to your child. Be kind to yourself. It is not easy to be a good parent, and next to impossible to be an ideal one. Remember to tell yourself that it was just a little milk that spilled from the tiny hands that are still learning to master a good grip, it was just a small spot of paint on the carpet made by a budding artist, it was just an earring that came lose at school. Healthy discipline is important, but we mustn’t forget that a harsh word or action can very likely have a lasting effect on an innocent child. Kindness and patience go a long way in peaceful parenting.

• Satya (truthfulness)

Be real. Talk about your true feelings and in turn listen to theirs. Have the tough conversations and answer their questions appropriately instead of skirting around. Developing the habit of keeping lines of communication open from an early age opens doors to a healthy and friendly dialogue as your child tracks through teenage and adulthood. Talk also about your failures and frustrations along with your joys and achievements. The truth has a power to bind families through thick and thin.

• Asteya (non-stealing)

Be present. Time is the most precious factor in the few years that go into building character that lasts a lifetime. Don’t scrimp on or steal your child’s right to your time. Give them those few minutes of extra time in a bubble-bath, sing another rhyme if requested, throw the ball around 2 more times before heading back from the playground, stay to wave bye until the school bus turns the corner, don’t lose the quiet story-time before bed. Every minute of togetherness makes your child feel a sense of love, care and protection. A person who feels safe and secure can automatically focus better on other higher levels of existence.

• Brahmacharya (right use of energy or moderation of the excesses)

Be in control. Moderating one’s energy in the aspect of parenting to me means how much or how strongly I react to a situation. There are tons of times when a child will throw a tantrum. It is especially challenging if said tantrum occurs in public! It is best to just let the storm pass. There is no benefit in wasting time or energy in trying to tame a beast. Having this sort of control over one’s reactions is no easy game, but it gets easier with practice. Just breathe in and breathe out, have your child do the same, control your energy, moderate your emotions and just send out vibes of loving kindness to your little one.

• Aparigraha (non-greed or non-possessiveness)

Be free of expectations. As human beings we are greedy for love and affection. We like to own; we like to hoard. As children grow independent, we often feel like we need or rather deserve their time, attention and energy just because we spent ours on them so entirely. A yogic parent must remember that their children are not their possessions. An ideal parent, a giving parent has a non-possessive and a non-transactional relationship with their child.

I will be the first to admit that I am not successful in applying these simple rules a hundred percent of the time, but I try. Sometimes I fail, then I reflect, breathe and try again. We owe it to our children to make an effort to be the best version of ourselves. May we all be victorious in generously watering and lovingly observing the little seed we planted grow into a mighty tree.